Tonight

I will put on some music and cry because I feel so lucky and because I feel sad - a strange combination, but a combination nonetheless. It's wierd, everything that happened today has been shifted into a different lense after...well, let's just say it's put things into perspective but that doesn't mean I understand it, because I really don't understand. I guess it's one of those things that you have to accept, something you will never have control over. Man, I wish there was something I could do...

Sometimes, lots of things go on behind closed doors.
Sometimes you just won't ever understand.
Sometimes, all you can do is cry and pray and hope that somehow it makes things better.

"I am just as stressed as you..."

please, don't EVER say this to me when I am stressed. Just don't do it, don't say it, play it, don't even think it or at least don't let me KNOW that you're thinking it. Seriously, if you think you might say it: shut up.

I had my call-back audition today. It went well, lots and lots of fun but I don't think I'll get in - everyone was at SUCH a high-standard, it was WELL exciting though. It made me think about how much I want to study drama and get some proper training but then everyone else says: "Get a degree!" "Go to uni" which admittedly sounds like A LOT of fun but BUT BUT...I don't know. I don't know what I want to do anyhoo, I know I don't want to take a GAP year and I know I want to go to uni and that is as far as I've got. Not bad, but still got things to think about. I'm currently torn between various combinations of English and History...but it makes my head hurt thinking about it. My friend asked me what my criteria was for universities and I said:

1) Old and pretty but not too traditional
2) Good drama facilities.

So, if anyone has any ideas SHOUT NOW. :-) fanks.

On to other things, don't read Alice and Wonderland before bedtime. Man, I've been having THE wierdest dreams. It's very frustrating when you can't get yourself to the right size and you suddenly find yourself with a 6ft long neck (yes, wierd) looking down at that stupid white rabbit - about rabbits, I find their ears REALLY annoying - I was also holding a paint brush and attempting to paint some white roses red. This was all done to the song: "We're off to see the Wizard" because, yes munchkins and yellow brick roads have been rubbed into my brain like vaseline on chapped skin. It's hideous, continuous repeats of "Follow the yellow brick road etc." are enough to send anyone into some sort of hiding. I feel like hiding. HELP. However, it is going to be an awesome show :-) I'm having much fun. Rehearsals on Wednesday were actually hilarious, I swear that Luke insists on having me thrown up into the air in every single major number: "I know, let's lift Dorothy"...please no!

Well, tomorrow is Sunday which marks the end of half-term. I don't feel like I've had a half-term, I'm actually exhausted. Monday is going to be a bitch of a morning. But hey-ho life is good :-) and busy and FUN. You know, I think life should be a musical. It would be AMAZING.

"The Man that got away..."

Unfortunately there is no man; it's a song. A very good song, a Judy Garland song - I like Judy, just not in Wizard of Oz. Anyway, the song is good and you should ALL check it out at some point.

So far half-term has been incredibly busy, admittedly my own fault but still very annoying; I would really quite like some "me" time but it doesn't look as if that's going to happen. You see, I have a complusive need to say "yes" to people and things and hate letting them down - I know, I know I should stop being such a "people pleaser" and I really have tried, but nothing seems to work. However, it's because of this that I double/triple book myself and end up having to let someone down anyway - hmmm I really am sillier than I thought. This is why I am SO busy this week. It is RIDICULOUS and I am very, very stressed.

"I really need to bake, I really need to bake, I really need to bake, I really need to bake!"

I really wish I was one of those super-organised, super-domestic, super-tidy, super-clever people. *sigh* I hate being a messy person :-(

Back to the title of this blog. "The Man that got away": Music by Harold Arlen and Lyrics by Ira Gershwin. I was thinking of singing this for my audition on Saturday because it's been in my head all day and it's such a satisfying song to sing - lots of lovely long notes and not too high. However, saying that it's not a very comfortable song to sing because it's quite low and the melody can sound monotonous if you don't alter the sound of your voice at certain points. So I decided against singing this song for the audition. I'm nervous about the audition, I feel very underprepared and now that I've got this far I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get in (sorry, just realised I haven't mentioned what I'm auditioning for. I have a call-back audition for the National Youth Music Theatre, it is VERY exciting!)

I've spent the past two days with three very special people and it has been A LOT of fun. :-) but wierd, cos I really don't miss them.

I was thinking about "beauty" today whilst I was taking my make-up off. Beauty bothers me, maybe because it's something that I really want to aquire and maybe because I'm not always sure what Beauty is. So, without further a do I looked up a definition:

1. The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.
2. One that is beautiful, especially a beautiful woman.
3. A quality or feature that is most effective, gratifying, or telling"


I then found another one:

"1. Combination of qualities, as shape, proportion, colour, in human face or form, or in other objects that delights the sight; combined qualities delighting the other senses, the moral sense, or the intellect."

I think beauty can be a physical quality and an emotional quality. Ideally I would like both, but I think it's hard to be physically beautiful and have a beautiful personality as well. Hmmmm, I have a "Love/Hate" relationship with my face but as I've got older I'm learning to just accept that it's never going to change and that I might as well try my best to like it for most of the time. Anyway, I think the word "beautiful" is used too casually these days - now, when people say "you're beautiful" you can never quite tell whether they REALLY mean it or whether they're just trying to please you. Obviously it's nice to be complimented, but when it's mainly your parents telling you this...you kinda think "Well you did make me..."

This is turning into a rubbish ramble so to summarise my current mood:

1) I like that song
2) I wish I was less busy
3) I want to love my body more
4) I have drunk too much tea today
5) I need to get tidy

Adventures in the land of French.

Okay, to be honest I really cba to do this blog but I know that if I don't write stuff down now it will never happen. Trust me, my to-do list always has the same three items on it - bad times.

Right, it's not going to be in much detail but it'll give you an idea. Just quotes from my journal

"I love France"
"I can understand more than I thought I would"
"I keep thinking in German which is annoying because I would like to think in German more, but not when I want to speak French"
"I need to live abroad again at somepoint"
"Today was hard; my brain hurts"
"Hodge and I are a bit concerned that a) the tea came in a bowl and b) We have eaten nothing but carbs and protein since we arrived."
"We are very lucky to have such a great family and a great house. It's not huge but unlike nextdoor it's uncluttered and not filled with crap and animals"

"One of the chefs, let's call him Pierre, reminded me SO much of gay ryan, it was insane! He's tall and round, with a squashy, square face numerous piercings and bright, blue boxers hanging out of his chef trousers. I wish I could understand what he was saying, cos he was clearly a bit of a rave - he smoked SMOKE RINGS!"

QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

"He was so well endowed that he had to walk around his genitalia in order to move forwards, either that or his jeans were incredibly tight" Ellie describing a customer to Hodges.

"No seriously, I open the door with a tissue, it's so disgusting!" Nalene

"SO many colours, not a ray of colours, not a range of colours but an ARAY of colours" Nalene

"She looks like a very pretty hamster" Hodges on Gabriella in HSM

Also...

We named the restaurant's cat, "King Louis" because he insisted on sitting in all our straw and growling at us.

The head chef looked like Tulouse or however you spell it from Moulin Rouge.

Alex, proud but not arrogant, always busy wanted us to know EVERYTHING about the food. Gave us a bottle of wine on our last day :-)

Daniel - "bless!"

Manager, poo face; looks about 12 and is never happy, probably due to excessive acne and his receding hairline. He was nice to me on the last day though, so maybe that's a bit harsh.

Lady chef: too nice to comment but good eyeshadow.

Fit as *mumble, mumble* Freddie, nuff said.

We watched high school musical with 4 french boys :-)

sorry if that didn;t make any sense, but that's all I can be bothered to write. Check out the video blogs on facebook when HODGES gets her act together and uploads them.

ciao. x


Ah the joys of...






decaf tea mmmmmmmmmm clippperr (like "aahhhhhh bisto" but better.) ANYway, today has been relatively productive; went into town and got bits, updated my "wall of wonderfulness", took Sammy to Sweeney Todd rehearsals, helped Mum round Tescos AND Sainsburys, packed for France, made Blueberry muffins and went to a Jackson family gathering. PHEWWWW. I think the Blueberry muffins were the best muffins I have ever made. My "wall of wonderfulness" (shown below) is looking fuller and fitter all the time - I love it :D a lot.







I'm starting to get a bit nervous about France now cos really, I'm not very good at French. This is worrying me. So, instead of worrying too much I went to Tesco and bought some essentials:
Xtra strong Trebor mints




Crackerbreads
Evian
Jordan Cereal Bars
Decaf Tea
Now these may not seem like your typical essentials but let me explain. The mints are just in case we (as in me and Hodge) eat a LOT of garlic (we're in France, it's possible); the crackerbreads are my comfort food (yeah I know it should be chocolate, but it isn't); the Evian is just in case I get thirsty before bedtime and I'm too frightened to ask my hosts for a glass of water; the Jordan Cereal Bars are again, comfort food just in case it all gets too much and the Decaf Tea is just because I wanted to see whether it was any different from normal tea (it is, it's not as good.)

My trip into town was quite successful as well. There's this AWESOME second-hand bookshop called "Baz Books" so I picked a couple of bargains for birthday presents, then I went to Superdrug to buy deodorant and Miss Selfridge had some awesome earrings for a quid :D happy days. I then went into BOOTS to try and find a tube of Aqueous cream (on that subject, it really annoys me when people say "Ah"queous cream, I don't know why it just does) BUT typical BOOTS didn't do a TUBE they did a TUB...and it's MASSIVE (see below). Don't know how I'm going to fit it in my suitcase; I can't fit it in my suitcase, so now I'm going to have dry/sore skin all week. Stupid Boots.

A strange thing happened today whilst I was baking my muffins. As I was mixing all the ingredients I could hear "Camptown Races" coming from upstairs and I thought "that's wierd" so I went upstairs to see what the trouble was and there was my father on our new "borrowed" exercise bike, cycling away whilst my mother was learning the lyrics to the "Mum song" (sung to the tune of Camptown races) it was really rather bizzare. My Dad learnt how to sell things on Amazon today, he is selling his old West Wing dvds so if you're interested check em out. Also, our tortoise went to a new home , our house is just too cold for her and we're all so busy that she doesn't get the amount of TLC she deserves, so we gave her to Rosie. I know Rosie will look after her, cos Rosie is awesome :-)

In the car on the way to the "Jackson family gathering" I realised how awesome Alicia Keys is. I am actually in love with her music; it's so honest and I LOVE honesty in an artist, for me it's what art is all about. Anyway, one song in particular really struck a chord with me tonight "To Tell you Something (Nana's Reprise), the first time I listened to it I thought it was just some shallow love-song but then I realised that the song was actually about her Grandma whilst she was dying in hospital. When I listened to it again it made me cry. Another song of hers I love is "Superwoman" the harmonies are just incredible! So big up Alicia Keys people.
Anways, time for bed I need sleep. I guess this is goodbye till next Saturday. I'm going to be keeping a journal throughout the week, who knows I might post appropriate snippets from it or i might not. You will just have to wait an see.
Ciao x

p.s This is my awesome "pretty and functional" bag all packed and ready for my train journey. YAY!

Snow day No.4

No longer such a snow-lover. It's beautiful when it's fresh and white and powdery, but now it's all brown and grey and....sluusssssssh. Not nice. I'm bored now, bored of snow, bored of no school, bored of my house! In fact, I was so bored today that I found a new hobby: Baking. Actually one of the best things EVER, I never thought I was very good at it cos everything I made was pretty disgusting - I blame Food Technology in year 9 - but now I can BAKE and the world is happy again. Today I baked Banana muffins, Cranberry muffins and Gingerbread. Now I had a bit of a dilemma with the latter as I have lost the MAN cutter and only had a WOMAN cutter and I thought I don't want to make a batch of GingerbreadWOMEN cos people will accuse me of being an extreme feminist - so instead I made Gingerbread faces. They were meant to be "smiley faces" but as you can see, some of them look more like the Joker than a CBBC presenter.

I think I've spent too much time indoors this week, my body is going mental. Tomorrow I will go for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong walk.


I have been practising my songs for "Wizard of Oz" and have realised how ridiculously high they are; I can reach the notes fine, but it doesn't sound very pretty. This is frustrating. However I am loving one of the songs quite a lot: "Evening Star" is very beautiful. Rehearsals were very good this week, Tim the music man was there and his warm-ups are INSANE, I feel like I can reach ANY NOTE EVERRRR after doing one of his "ing, ing, ing, ing" things. The break was interesting though, went to the Atrium bar to meet Missed Out peeps who are really cool - i wish I was that cool, Ryan in particular is a DARLING. Anyway my lovely ex-boyfriend (he is lovely really, but at this moment in time "lovely" is definately sarcastic and spiteful) thought it would be "LOVELY" to mention my activities on New Years Eve, which was "LOVELY" of him. I admit I felt very embarassed and it is because of that night that I no longer trust punch fountains and will stick to drinking tea FOREVER. Back to Oz: COME AND WATCH THE SHOW. It should be good, even if I sound awful.

Ben Jiggins just told me that he's "been very disappointed with cinema for 5 years", what a silly man. Usually I can appreciate that we have very different views on a LOT of things, but that is just ridiculous ! GRRR. Someone extend Lord of the Rings EVEN further; that will shut him up and keep him happy. On the topic of cinema, I really want to see "Doubt" and on the subject of "Doubt" I have decided that Meryl Streep is my favourite actress of all time. I think she is incredible, she has such a natural talent. "Mamma Mia" would have flopped without her.

I'm afraid this blog doesn't seem to be going anywhere this evening which is probably due to the bad coffee I made this morning. I think I burnt it, or something like that. It was not nice that's for sure. I really want to get started on the first season of "The West Wing" and continue watching "Gilmore Girls"...

On a final note, I bought ballet shoes in Primark for SIX QUID, bargain if ever I saw one.

Things to do before sunday:
1) Tidy Room.
2) Buy Lucy's b-day pressie.
3) Charge camera and i-pod.
4) Pack suitcase.
5) Take my make-up off.

Google Verb Game.

This is hilarious. Copy and paste "{your name} eats/wants/looks like/ says etc." into Google and see what comes up - DON'T FORGET THE SPEECH MARKS.


Ellie Does:
  • "drink, in toxic substances her liver does sink"
  • "a lot of crying, a lot of soul searching but she is also sometimes happy and gay"
  • "not, by any means, spend all her free time parading around the stage" - Lol!

Ellie Asks:

  • "what happens when you start becoming the person you're pretending to be?" - I'm WELL deep.
  • "him to try the turkey" - he should, it's DAM good!
  • "if a few cups of coffee can do that" - oh dear, need to curb this addiction.

Ellie Eats:

  • "The camera"
  • "A beetle larve"
  • "Pickles EVERY DAY"
  • "both Alfalfa and Bermuda Hay"

Ellie Says:

  • "It's not over till I say so" - so there!

Ellie Should:

  • "be happy" - I am.
  • "keep teaching" - really?
  • "have, or will be, showing signs of big time 'nesting'" - excuse me?!

Ellie is:

  • "A sweet-natured brunette, generous of heart with a sparkling smile"
  • "pony-mad" - even though I'm allergic.
  • "pleasantly surprised to discover that there's lots to do with Granny Mac"
  • "Owned by Veronica and Lawrie Upton" - would be nice to meet them someday.
  • "an all too-realistic example of many striving actors" - again, LOL.

Ellie Wears:

  • "NYLONS in the STOCKS"
  • "protective equipment, including special dog shoes"
  • "his wedding ring on her left thumb to remind her that Ray is sailing the Nina in her heart" - Who is Ray? What is "the Nina"? and why am I wearing a weddingr ing on my left thumb?

Ellie Looks Like:

  • "me"
  • "a hot dork"
  • "she's been transported into a computer game"
  • "Katy Perry" - I'm insulted. Actually shut up.
  • "The Simpsons"
  • "a very content and secure dog" - truth.
  • "one of the plastic hula dancers on the car dashboard." - hahahahaha!

In the downstairs bathroom...


we have a selection of books:

1) Passing time on the Loo part 1

2) Worst Case Scenario Handbooks: Guide to Life.

3) A book of "Alex" cartoons

4) Time-waster diaries

5) Hamlet, King Leah and Macbeth - the £2 penguin versions.

6) Cricket jokes.


I think my favourite out of all these is the 1st one; I have learnt much from this book. You can read an entire classic in under 3 minutes, learn some science (if you're interested), pick up a couple of excellent quotes, read a a few biographies and find out how you can lose weight on numerous faddy diets. Seriously, good book. Apparently there's a part 2...


Loo books are important. This is why I take so long in the bathroom.