The Battlefield of the Mind

I learnt an important lesson this week: monitor your thoughts. I never realised how much of an impact my thought life had on my emotions and my day-to-day decisions! What I choose to think about and what I allow myself to dwell on can lead me into situations that I never thought I'd find myself in - situations which force you to confront who you've become in that moment and to question what happened to yourself and how you lost sight of your principles, dreams and character so easily.

I've recognised the danger of cultivating certain ideas and feelings - ones which you know are unhelpful. Something that started out as a tiny little seed grew wild across my heart and consumed my every waking thought. I found myself fabricating stories and dreams around it, permitting myself to live in my own parallel universe, and as a result I let down the guard around my heart, allowing the cracks of previous hurts to be deepened and ended up sobbing uncontrollably on my bedroom carpet when life didn't live up to my expectations.

However, there are two pieces of wisdom that I outrightly ignored this week:

Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life Proverbs 4:23

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think of such things Philippians 4:8

These things are often so hard to maintain but are so necessary if I am to have a healthy approach to the way I live my life. By not heading to these wise words I totally pushed God out of my head and out of my every day and consequently, I felt alone and empty. My emotions swamped me completely as I tried to grab onto things that I thought would give me security. I must have appeared so desperate and pathetic to so many people, particularly yesterday morning when I appeared puffy eyed and sleep deprived in the kitchen. Thoughts, like words and emotions, can either bring life or death and thus they need to be controlled. The only way I was able to climb out of my hole was by praying furiously, spending time with loving, generous people and listen to happy, life-affirming music. I filled my head and time with things that are 'excellent and praiseworthy' and even though I woke up this morning still fragile and vulnerable, I didn't feel defeated for I know I have a strength that transcends all understanding lodged in the centre of my heart.