Back in the Dorf

I've heard that nostalgia is discontentment. Perhaps nostalgic people are not discontent but rather unsettled. After writing my previous post I had such a huge longing to do Christmas all over again, because it was familiar and structured and easy. My present situation is NOT easy. I'm once again living alone in the Dorf with my two kooky male housemates who pile their dirty dishes in the sink and not on the side, my internship is over, my routine non-existent, the sky a consistent murky-grey, my bank-account pinched, the prospect of 3,500 of German academic prose looming over my head and there is the rather significant fact that in three weeks time, I will be packing my bags and moving to another country, another culture and another linguistic challenge to do it all over again. It's exciting, it's interesting, it's fun, but it is NOT easy. 

Simple things like sleeping through my alarm and buying food that looked appetising but is in fact disgusting start to throw me into a tailspin. The weather is so depressing and it never seems to get lighter, so the days just merge into the nights so it just feels like one, extended, cloudy dusk. I've sat here trying to work through this assignment for uni, written a few pointless learning journals just in case they turn round and say that they actually count. Then there's the essay, which I can't really start until my tutor gets back to me and approves my title, so I'm just faffing about with a stack of reviews and few performance notes, wondering how on EARTH I am going to be able to write a half-decent essay IN GERMAN when I struggle to write one in English. 

Part of my problem MIGHT be, that I haven't left the house yet (apart from the food shop). I'm trying to save money and it's so disgusting outside that hibernating in my little room is always the preferred course of action. I'm hoping I'll feel a little bit more cheery when I start socialising again. I was back at the theatre again yesterday evening to perform in that silly play again, then this morning I'm going to a ladies breakfast and then tonight I'm hopping on a train to Berlin to visit my friend Josie for the weekend. So really I need to stop complaining, because despite the tasteless food, the crappy weather and my complete inability to create a routine, there are lots of great things happening and I am doing  surprisingly well with my to-do list. All is not lost. I just miss not having to go down to the creepy basement to do my washing and having a hallway that doesn't smell like boy and a bedroom window that looks out on a garden and not on a busy road. Good thing I'm moving to Florence in four weeks then. 

1 comment :

  1. I feel you. I really know that flatness. SO I got some words of wisdom for ya from the greatest woman on earth (possibly):