A Question of Identity

I am not who I was four weeks ago. I have learnt so much. I feel like I know God better. It has been so refreshing to recapture the wonder and excitement I used to feel about knowing Jesus. I have loved visiting other churches so ridiculously different to my own and realising that the way I prefer to do church isn't the only way nor is it necessarily the best way. Without the community of a church I have had to rely on HIM and only HIM in times of need and consequently I recognise his voice - his whispers are clearer than ever.

Being away from it all has given me so much perspective on certain situations. I cringe at the person I was, the immaturity of my actions and words. I guess, in a sense, this is me apologising to the world for my former self, I sincerely hope that when you see me next you will find significant improvement. Who I am is evolving every second and every minute of every day. My worldly identity isn't fixed and this is why I will never truly understand who I am without God's help. It is through him that my identity and future becomes concrete.

It certainly helps being surrounded by people who have only known me at this stage of my life. They have experienced a more complete version of myself. They see the adult, not the child, they see the grief, not the friendship, they see my singleness without the smog of previous relationships, they see my independence not my dependence. They see me and my identity as it is now without the hazy mess of my past. They love me and accept me, they give me hugs, make me potato wedges and plait my hair, they listen to me whinge and vent, put up with my random bursts of italian and incessant singing. They do not judge. Even though my heart is so open and raw, they still do not judge. I always thought of myself as a self-assured young lady however in the last couple of weeks I have been forced to question my identity. Who am I? This question has lingered in my thinking space and caused multiple headaches but the solution is simple. Who I am to other people doesn't matter, who I am to myself is also insignificant. All I need to know is who I am in Christ.

A little message from the lovely Ellie which was posted under my door one morning. <3

P.S I've found a church. thanks for your prayers.