This is where I'm at...

For the first time in my life I am truly content. There is no where else in the world I would rather be than here. I'm finally living in the tension, I've found a balance, I've created a community and a lifestyle that is completely my own. Sometimes I live out my schoolgirl daydream of gliding gracefully through Bristol with a coffee flask in hand and a leather satchel full of books looking serene and incredibly profound and other times I experience the dark, incredibly hectic side of student living where I run up and down hills in shoes that are falling apart looking like a flustered, sleep-deprived mess. In the past week I've had my phone stolen, lost my ipod, written a letter to my father describing one of my professors as a man in a dress and then accidentally dropped it on the floor after her lecture without realising, had 20 hours of rehearsals, been attacked by pick and mix sweets, had to eat the same revolting combination of food two days in a row because everything was going mouldy, had vivid nightmares anddream mares of my professor reading my letter and hating me for all eternity, received a faulty and unreliable replacement phone, been on two unnecessary library tours showing how to find books on shelves, learnt a ridiculous amount of Italian and averaged about 6 hours of sleep a night.

At the same time it has occurred to me that a bad, stressful day in Bristol really isn't a bad day at all. Whilst many things have gone wrong they no longer waver my confidence or ignite that fearful, lonely anxiety that hovered over my head throughout Fresher's Week. This place always manages to make me happy however frustrating or disheartening the days' events have been. For example, yesterday was a bad day and I decided that rather than inviting more disaster into my Monday I would just go to bed and avoid the world till Tuesday morning. Yet just as I was about to get into my jimmies a girl from the CU knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk and get pick and mix. I of course agreed and a group of us walked down to the shops at about 10 30 to buy sweets and chips and hung out in a kitchen drinking Ribena. Then this evening, floor 5 decided to have a tea and cake sesh in the kitchen at 8pm. It was gorgeous. Furthermore, the scenery here is just breathtaking, I've been fortunate enough to see Clifton at various times in the day and it never ceases to stupefy me with its beauty. Last night as we walked around in the dark, the sky was so clear, the stars were so bright...I'm aware this sounds incredibly cliche but it really was utter perfection. I'm so glad that I've reached a stage in my life where I'm happy to be fully present. I no longer wait for the weekend or wish away my time. I stand firm in every second, minute, hour and day drinking in the blessing that is my life at university.

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