'I am exempt from precipitation!' I shouted this afternoon as I walked out of the school gate with my friend Fiona in the pouring rain. My exclamation relates to the precipitation from the sky, but more importantly to the precipitation that has, as of this week, been pouring incessantly down my face. Tears are funny things, they can be humiliating, heart-wrenching whilst simultaneously releasing, particularly when combined with rain. I am certainly not exempt from precipitation at all, it would seem like the weather has been playing a bit of pathetic fallacy this week because it has rained non-stop since Sunday afternoon. I like to think that the weather is alining itself with my emotions, it's heart beating and sobbing along with my own.

Crying isn't a particularly regular activity of mine, although I have experienced a wide range of tear-circumstances. I've cried in physical pain, I cry when I look in the mirror and find the reflection displeasing, I cry when I'm stressed out and tired, I've cried because I thought my Mum was going to die, I cried when my dream of going to Cambridge was crushed by my rejection letter and in recent years I have cried because someone broke my heart. The latter circumstance is the one I find the most difficult, because the person you initially want to run to for comfort is no longer there, they are no longer interested, no longer the person who was in love with you. Sometimes, they are the person who never loved you and will never know that you loved them. It's that moment when your precious, vulnerable heart that you gave in confidence and sometimes in anticipation, is thrown at your feet and they tell you that it isn't the right fit, or it isn't good enough. That awful sense of emptiness. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships either, sometimes platonic relationships can have the same effect.

This week my tears are my soul screaming for love, affection, clarity and energy. My emotions seem to be all over the place and I'm sure my school friends are convinced that I'm on the brink of insanity. I am just so tired, not just physically, but emotionally. I feel as though I have nothing else to give that my body and mind have been drained of all their substance. I am desperate for renewed purpose and fulfilled promises. In the meantime I just want to curl up in the embrace of my incredible friends and the love of my saviour. A cup of tea wouldn't go amiss either!

I had two crazy dreams last night. The first involved some sort of rally car racing playstation/XBox simulator. I was driving round Bracknell at a crazy speed, trying to dodge bullets, save people etc. However, I seem to recall spending most of the dream not focussing on the road or saving people, but trying to push a cassette tape into the car's tape player so I could listen to some tunes. Priorities. At one point I went crashing into this service station, I was running around trying to find a toilet, but every single toilet was either doorless, exposed to the elements or in the centre of a large room of people (this is a very common scenario in my dreams) I was also acutely aware that the man chasing me was a Communist, again this isn't out of the ordinary, I am always being chased by either a Facist or a Communist. Perhaps my subconscious has been flooded with propaganda and is desperately trying to resist becoming a socialist. Either way, it's weird.

The second dream was even more bizarre. I was in London, at least I think it was London, and as I was walking along the South Bank I saw this massive, MASSIVE stage. There was a giant banner that said: ' Elevator Entertainment' and I believe that the stage was shaped like a giant lift and I remember thinking 'that is so awesome'. Tres bizarre. Anyways, they were performing RENT (this may or may not have something to do with my friend Alex texting me at midnight to tell me he's playing Roger in his university's production of RENT) The performers were giant holograms, so that everyone wherever they were could see and appreciate the performance (I think). The crowd were really excited and inspired by this, they were like 'oooo isn't it clever how they can make themselves all giant and hologrammy?' Somehow I ended up on stage as part of the chorus, but I couldn't transform myself into a giant hologram. I tried to join in as much as I could, which was a challenge considering a) I wasn't a giant projected image and b) I really didn't know the show very well. In the end I remember one of the actors just telling me to sit on the black cube in the centre of the stage and sing a solo, but as I sat on it the scene changed and I was sitting in the drama studio at Garth Hill College watching my friend Nik build a giant black box. I think I woke up after this...

I'm not sure why these dreams have stayed with me. Normally I am left with just impressions, like the lack of suitable toilets or being chased by political extremists. I really enjoy my dreams though, mainly because they're so weird and distorted. That's why I'm so pleased at being able to remember explicit detail from these two, hopefully it's marked a new development in my dream recalling/dream creating abilities. We'll see.

This is where I'm at

3 things I'm excited about:

1) Studying at Bristol

2) Gilmore Girls marathon

3) Falling in love

3 things that concern me:

1) When walking down the street last week I saw a leaflet that said 'Late Shop'. My first thought? 'Tch, stupid chavs can't even spell Latte correctly!'

2) My irrational Ikea cravings.

3) After washing my hair, I decided to moisturise. However, after squirting a load of body lotion onto my hand...I started rubbing it into my scalp. :-S

3 things that rock:

1) My retake results. GET IN.

2) Talking on the phone with the wonderful Mr Jiggins.

3) Waking up every day feeling closer to and more excited about God.