Choices

I've been meaning to write a New Year's post because I'm a blogger and if I don't tell you about my 2014 with a stream of perfect photos and inspire you with my resolutions then I've failed. Alas, I don't really feel like being a blogger today and haven't really felt like being one for a while now. Being at home over the last two weeks has given me a chance to catch up on my blog-reading and get all excited about whimsy photographs and creative projects and all the bazillion ways I can drink and document my coffee experiences. I love it, I really do. I love reading people's stories, I love celebrating engagements and cooing at wedding photos, I love exploring the world through the lenses and words of other people. However, it makes me doubt myself. It makes me miss travelling and exploring and question why on earth I'm still living in Bristol when I could be living in Berlin or Florence or somewhere in the American wilderness. 

Unfortunately, it is not just blogs that make me feel like this. Coming home for Christmas has been like stepping out of a bubble and into the real world, where everyone's life has moved on without you. It dawns on me that a lot of close friends got married this year whereas I ended my 2.5 year relationship. Others got exciting jobs that pay well and moved to the cities to start that exciting young professional existence, whilst I moved back to my university town to start a postgrad course with limiting career prospects. Others went travelling or bought houses or started amazing projects that are going to have huge impacts on society. But I made a choice. In fact,  this year has been a series of choices that I made independently. I could have had these things but I chose something else. When I stop being critical and actually REALLY look back over the year I see myself choosing to fight for a life worth living; I chose to fight mental illness and finish my degree, I chose to invest in edifying friendships, I chose to travel when I could, I chose to make space to find God again, I chose to take the risk and pursue my dream and above all, I chose to be kind to myself. My life might be going at a slower pace to others, I might not have a proper income, I might never find someone to marry and I might never own a house and shop at Waitrose but I am absolutely not a lost cause. I don't feel stranded and I don't feel torn. There comes a point when people start to enter different life stages but it's not a competition and it's not a race. My life may be less bloggable and my instagram account may be full of people dressed in leotards but I feel alive. 

In his book The Artisan Soul, Erwin McManus writes: 'We will never create anything more powerful and significant than our lives.' If the only masterpiece I leave behind is the life that I lived then I want to take time to craft it well. I hope this year you won't compare your choices (big, small, easy, difficult, significant, insignificant) to anyone elses. Make them and be proud. Our choices reflect who we are, how we see the world and what we dream about. Please don't belittle them. 

Life Lately: Northern Ireland

I can't quite believe that it's been a whole month since this lil' spontaneous trip. So five days before my last exam (EVER) I got on an early morning plane to Northern Ireland. It felt gloriously outrageous and turned out to be exactly what the doctor ordered. I've never been to the Emerald Isle before and it really is very green, let me tell ya. Four days spent in a little bungalow in Portstewart, drinking lots of tea, reading Patrick Melrose novels, eating well, sleeping in, jogging, barbecuing on the beach, praising the Lord, reading the bible, meeting new people, sunbathing and putting the world to right in nautical inspired armchairs. The highlights for me were Giants Causeway in the late-afternoon sun and spending time with friends who share the same beliefs/values/perspectives as myself.  It was pretty gurt-lush. Also, I'm a sucker for a Northern Irish accent. Anyone else? 

Le Balance

What does it look like to live a balanced life? Is it not the goal, the epitome of peace to live determined in the tension between work and play? I fail miserably at achieving balance. I strive for it, but I don't think it's something that can be striven for. I cannot rest without feeling a sense of guilt, I cannot work without an impending exhaustion. How can you be kind to yourself when there is so much to be done? The answer is simple: you just have to. You just have to spend a day curled up on the sofa drifting in and out of sleep, you need to see that friend, that family who feed you and inspire you, you need to make time to work-out and love your body, you need to put your feet up and devour a novel, you need to sit in the sun with your mama, pray with your family and see the world through a still-lense rather than a moving one. You need to find solid ground as time slips through your fingers, as you push off from the blocks into the final sprint. Life is to be lived, not wished away. 

Life Lately - March

1/2 Slow, easy 6am wake-up calls thanks to extra daylight. My favourite.

3/4 Finishing essays in Friska, celebrating with dirty-chai and stomps around the city. Turns out we agree on a lot of things. 5/I spent a Sunday morning in a Clifton Park reading Zelda Fitzgerald - it was GLORIOUS. Bring on a summer of reading for pleasure. 6/ Saying that I'm really enjoying my dissertation research; it's all coming together!

7/8 Two lovely Berliners came to visit and we spent three days indulging our Bristol crush with copious cups of tea and long conversations about life and stuff. 

Life-Lately

I thought moving back to Bristol would be the easiest thing in the world, that I would just slip back into the rigour and the fun. Alas, it has not been such a walk in the park. The city has changed and so have I. We've been trying to adjust, taking things slow, noticing moments rather than orchestrating them. These snaps are quite homey, but that's how my life has been spent lately.

1) The first thing I do in a new room is make the bed. It's an instant comforter. 

This one is a particular favourite of mine. 

2) I'm a massive fan of mood-lighting - it makes me feel at home.

That and tea obviously.

3) I'm in an amazing place at the moment, because I am finally able to pursue my dreams and am thoroughly enjoying all the reading required.

4) There's something so wholesome about a wispa bar. It reminds me of days gone by, sitting in the English department at school, writing essays on Jane Eyre and drinking cups of tea with friends.

5) Some things about Bristol never change. Hot-air balloons on a Sunday morning being one of them.

6) The chalk-board up in our kitchen. The house and my zany housemates have been two of the greatest comforts that final year could bring. I feel so incredibly blessed by them. 

Le Weekend

This weekend has been dreamy in both a good and a bad way. It's been full of beautiful, interesting, sociable things but it's all been incredibly sleepy. I feel like I've like I've been dozing around the city, with my camera and my music, passively watching people participating. I've been prioritising social engagements and forcing myself to go to things even when I don't feel like it, because it takes me out of myself and gives me so much energy. I guess I am an extrovert at heart.

Weekends always start on Friday afternoons, right? I picked up some new film, nothing special, just my regular. Then I wandered to Bonanza Coffee Heroes in search of iced-coffee. I've been trying a week without dairy to see if it helped my allergies, so this was a soy latte. I hate soy. Coffee shops need to start offering almond milk, cos soy just makes coffee taste like weird plant goop. Despite the disappointing beverage the sky was beautiful and the streets were alive.

 I followed the hoards and strolled into the Mauerpark for Fete de la Musique - a musical festival that occurs all over the city to celebrate the start of summer. It originates from Paris, but Berlin has really made it its own. There was a lorry full of beer, lots of hipsters swinging ClubMate and a giant hut selling currywurst. I was originally planning to stay for the whole evening, but unfortunately I wasn't feeling too well, so I made my way back to Wedding. Nevertheless, I got whiff of the general vibe and walked home to find my street alive with the festival as well.

Saturday started so slow that it almost didn't happen. I finally got myself together and took off the Stadtmuseum for an afternoon of culture. I was hoping it would help me with my essay, but it didn't and I forgot my glasses, so I couldn't really read anything. The staff were unbelievably friendly though and it was generally quite interesting. At €3 a ticket, it was hardly a waste of time. I then picked up a grapefruit and slowly made my way over to another cafe on my list, where I sat in the shade and read my two favourite magazines. 

That evening I found myself just off Schönhauserallee to meet up with some friends. One of the girls was the dramaturg for a piece of contemporary dance being performed at Ballhaus Ost, so we'd all turned up with very little knowledge of the art form, but enthusiastic nonetheless. We all decided to not try and read too much in to the movement and just enjoy the aesthetics. It was impressive; strange, disturbing, thought provoking and at the same time a little pointless. This tends to be my overall take on contemporary dance. Still, I keep going back for more. We then spilled out into the night for ice-cream and cocktails, dipping in and out of conversation and marvelling out how quickly time passes. It's July in a week. WHAT!?

Life Lately

In the last week an a half, my life has really hit the ground running. It's been full on, full stress, full fun and full-on exciting. I move into my new apartment tomorrow and I'm looking forward to having some time just slobbing and recovering from all this madness. Here's some snaps!

1/2 My first full day in Berlin was filled with iced-coffee, beautiful sunshine and the incredible Berlin sights.

2/3 I've been drinking loose-leaf Berlin Frühlings-Romanz Tee (Berlin Spring Romance Tea) and looking whimsically out of windows, whilst balmy breezes brushed my face. 

5/ There's been a lot of coffee and a lot of translations written and proof-read.

6/ I've also been walking with my lovely host around Neukölln, discovering hidden gems like this little park. 

7/8 My boss Kerstin and I went on a road-trip to Hamburg to work on her office/house boat. It was awesome and after a full 36 hours of rust-scrubbing we drove home to beautiful sunsets, listening to jazz and nibbling dark chocolate filled with marzipan. 

9/10 I decided to treat myself to an evening at the cinema to see The Great Gatsby, but before I could get into the cinema I was approached by this Icelandic duo and asked if I could record a music video for them. It was very surreal, I didn't even find out the name of their band. I then grabbed a Fritz-Kola (my new favourite beverage) and snuggled into a cinema seat to watch my most anticipated film of the year. It didn't disappoint. Baz you are a legend!

I hope everyone is enjoying some Spring-like sunshine! I should be posting a lot more frequently as of tomorrow, thanks to some consistent internet. See you soon! 

The Disposable Life

Interestingly, shooting your life through a disposable makes it anything but disposable. By using the disposable you create something semi-permanent (aka. you have the photos until your computer crashes or someone throws away your photo albums by accident, because they thought it was junk - I'm looking at you Dad) 

Tomorrow, I move to Berlin. Despite being at home for a month, it still feels a bit fast and if I'm super honest, I'm a bit nervous about setting off again. My room is just too darn cosy, England is just too beautiful and my friends just too wonderful. 

Here are some disposable-camera reflections from the past few weeks of rest, fun and rediscovery.

1) Living off tea, nachos and Apple products.

2) Saturday morning cycle in B-town. 

3) Gloucester Road Graffiti. Bristol is crazy.

4) I came home and he was there.

5) Meet Niall Potter, he's gonna be an actor but in this picture he's sitting on a bench being rude.

6) A sunny-evening picnic in the Fellow's Garden in Exeter College, Oxford with ma girl Fiona.

7) A lovely midday drink with old, beautiful theatre friends at my second home.

8) I've spent a lot of time in Waterstones, drinking coffee and lusting after books.

9) On the bridge being crazy. I blame the Tapas.

10) Planning our music video on Brick Lane.

11) No London adventure is complete without frozen yogurt from SNOG

12) The most incredible Falafel box from Spitalfield food market.

13) Being cultured, looking at photographs at Somerset House.

Gah England, you're just so great. Sorry for not appreciating you enough before. Isn't London just one of the most incredible cities? I love it with all my heart. 

Life-Lately

Recently I have ground to a halt. I meander through the days like an ethereal zombie, searching for gentle joy and soft hope. I'm rebuilding myself with words and sunshine, walks and books, theatre and friends, company and solitude. Here are some of the highlights.

1/ Dungarees from Shoreditch on a date to celebrate 2 years with my love.

2/ Beautiful walks and reminiscing with old theatrical pals @ South Hill Park.

3/ Gluten-free brownies and a bit of Capote. Sunday afternoon bliss.

4/ Appreciating daily peace.

5/ Inspirational reading on a patchwork quilt.

6/ Updating the wall of wonderfulness to reflect my new favourite and necessary things.

Home Comforts

Home was everything and more. Friends are wonderful things, families too. Sometimes we need to go back to the places that shaped and continue to shape us just to remember who we are and where we're going. I was smothered with comfort and affection. Shout out to my friend Laura who sparked off this whole idea by offering to pick me up from the airport, which she did. Everyone needs a sensible, loving, generous friend like her. Here's a couple of snapshots.

1/ Coffee at my favourite place, with my favourite person, reading one of my favourite publications.

2/ Bedroom window views got me all nostalgic. How have I been alive THIS long?

 

3/ The luxury of a full family fridge makes breakfast WAY more fun.

4/ It was still Winter, so we had to wear our hats inside.

5/ Saw this on my way to watch two of ma girls sing their hearts out in the Royal Academy of Music Showcase. They rocked it, so did this poetry on the tube thing. I saw another one on my way to meet up with NYMTers. SO MUCH LONDON JOY.

6/ After a crazy megabus ride, I woke up to a crisp sunny morning in Bristol. Nothing beats it.

7/ Hot chocolates with some incredibly inspiring ladies to celebrate engagements, have wedding talk and generally catch-up and be giggly.

8/ A weird deja-vu moment in Boston Tea Party. It was like I'd never left.

9/ Turns out the best coffee in the world is in Amersham not Italy. DOH.

10/ A wonderful weekend of Borgen watching, vintage shopping, cafe hopping and living-room dancing with my bestie.

Life Lately

1/ Productive, cosy, coffee -fuelled writing days in knits and socks.
I wrote an article for the Bristol Tab about ethical-fashion and blogging. Check it out here

2/ Lazy mornings with my Kindle and my Moleskine.

3/ Cycling home from work I came across this amazing yogurt, milk and cheese vending machine. Made me like Italy a teeny bit more.

4) Standard converse-wearing days at the teatro. I really want to be a better intern.

5/6 I found two great coffee shops and it felt like home.

7/ When it's sunny, Parma really isn't too terrible. The other day it was so clear I could see all the way to the mountains.

8/ Been jogging and cycling around the park a lot recently. I think I finally understand why people find running so good for the soul.