Autumn FOMO*

Like most bloggers, I love Autumn. But Autumn is having little impact on me this year. I look at the leaves and feel nothing but a dim nostalgia for poignant Autumns passed. It's like when you repeat a tradition that you remember being fun, but it suddenly just feels mechanical and soulless. I suppose I should run outside in my coat and scarf to fetch a pumpkin spiced latte and go swooshing in the leaves. However, my coat is broken and my scarf is all mangey and I'm not sure I can really take the sweetness of pumpkin-spice. I'm all for making the most of the season, for acknowledging the ebbs and flows of the planet, but sometimes the niceties of seasonal tradition can sit like a yoke on my shoulders. Rather than genuinely engaging with the moment of seasonal fullness, I find that I am orchestrating my own enjoyment to the point where I no longer take it in. I feel like I have to make the most of the leaves before they crumple and fall, that I haven't taken enough pictures or held enough cinnamon infused coffee in my gloveless hands.   

It's struck me how contradictory this all is. The seasons are there to remind us that we are absolutely not in control. They're supposed to take us by surprise  to bring us out of day-to-day monotony, to bless and enrich us unexpectedly. We've branded them and told them what to look, feel and sound like. We find ourself disappointed when they don't meet our own expectations. This brings me back to my obsession with the poignancy of Autumn, with its new beginnings, random bursts of colour and sense of finality. Because despite my disappointment  I cannot help but feel comforted by the beauty of a crimson leaf, a pair of snuggly socks and sitting in a steamed-up Mocha Mocha drinking a spontaneous Dirty Chai with two lovely friends. I love walking down the leaf-strewn streets of the university, my satchel full of library books, the afternoon twilight knipping at my fingertips. I love waking up to these crisp, rosy mornings with the sky lined with low sunlight. Most of these are coincidences, only a few are things that I can control. AS PER, I just need to stop getting my knickers in a twist and go with the flowwww. 

Anyone else got Autumn FOMO?

*FOMO = Fear of Missing out