The 24th: Anticipation vs. Expectation

So I made an Advent Calendar this year (with a lot of help from Charlotte). A symbol of anticipation.  I love Christmas but I put so much pressure on myself to document and describe and enjoy. I'm tired of trying to hold it all in  my head, of slapping myself on the wrist for not being in the Christmas Spirit. So here's a list of things I'm thankful for.  Today is the start of another Christmas, I'm happier than I was last year,  my family are cancer free, Dad is cooking Christmas Dinner a la Nigella and we are just about to sit down to watch White Christmas and eat Raclette as is tradition every year. I finally found my stocking (after two years of pillowcases - this is a particular joy!) All my favourite musicals are on television, my room smells like a Christmas candle, tonight my brother is leading worship at the 11pm servies and tomorrow we'll have a full house and even fuller tummies. Despite all this I don't feel at all Christmassy, something that has often frustrated me in the past. The thing is, I'm not quite sure what that means anymore. Christmas is an enigma - I cannot pin it down to a particular emotion or spirit. Even though the traditions and motions might be the same, the 'christmassy' feeling inevitably changes. We expect the years to look the same and they are always different. It's a good thing. I've decided that I like it. I'm looking forward to how different the festivities will look this year, I'm anticipating a new perspective. What will be will be. Now go and have yourselves a very Happy Christmas!

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