I used to be afraid of anticlimaxes. I filled my head with expectations so prescriptive and exact, that reality would always fall short. People used to tell me to be more accepting of the present, to stop daydreaming and be in the moment. I have thought about this time of my life for years, it has always shimmered undefined and attractive in the looking glass of my mind. There has been this sense of a decision all my own and now it is here and it looks nothing like I imagined. I was terrified of being disappointed, of being permanently fixed to a catherine wheel of  the next thing and the next thing. Here I am back in a city that I tried to leave, charged with hard and lovely memories, back in my favourite time of year when the leaves turn and everything is poignantly beautiful. I was sceptical of what this place could offer, I thought I had squeezed it of every possible moment and opportunity, but I was wrong. I find myself in a season of abundance, there is almost too much to harvest. Everything is new, EVERYTHING is new; new friends, new places, new routines, new knowledge, new perspective.  I walk home and wake up with a laugh, my mind is finally preoccupied with things of worth, I can finally see the blessings, the favour of friendships old and new that have walked me here in one piece. It's like I've swallowed the sun and for this moment in time, there is only light, only discovery and rediscovery.

1 comment :

  1. Hi! I've been feeling some similar thoughts lately, how nice it is to be so content and excited about new decisions. You have also written this so beautifully :-) Have a lovely Sunday, Ailish.