'You'll Feel Better When You Get There'

I can't remember whether the above sentence belongs to my mother or my grandmother, nevertheless its echo bounces and chimes off the dusty walls of my memory, becoming more distinct in times of timidity, laziness, fillness (feigned illness) and dread. It's never the soft and angelic whisper of childhood nostalgia, but rather the piercing, infuriating phrase that is so often proved right: you do feel better when you stop being a wet whiney flannel and face the music, even if you'd much rather snuggle up in a onesie and watch BBC costume dramas on repeat.

One of my favourite photos of Bristol EVER. Taken by Louigi

This time last week the thought of returning to university had foreboding connotations. All I could picture was exams, deadlines, small, messy rooms, mould, cold, incomplete to-do lists, library fines and sleep deprivation. I was supposed to return last Tuesday, but managed to put off returning (properly) until today (I went and had a cheeky visit to my friend Jessie in Warminster, but more on that later.) Mum drove me down yesterday and as we were approaching the city, I was once again enraptured by the deep affection this place evokes within me. The car winded slowly up to Clifton and I couldn't help but grin at all the light, brick buildings, the resplendence of Wills Memorial building and the ethereal beauty of the Avon Gorge. I was reminded of the fact that I really do have two homes now: one is comfort, familiarity and a place to recharge (aka. Bracknell) , the other is adventure, academic opulence, a place to be challenged, a chance flourish (Bristol). When I stepped into my (tidy) room this evening and stared at the arrangment of books and photos and put on my Digital Radio and made my self a cup of tea in my Denby teapot, I felt like such an ungrateful fool for being so reluctant to return.

Things always seem more scary, impossible and stupid when they're just thoughts and fears floating about in your head, but when you actually get on and do them you wonder why you wasted so much time worrying. I am so ready to crack-on with my essays and revision and all the planning that needs to get done for my year abroad. I need to stop making lists (I'm restricting myself to ONE a week!) and just start doing things, more importantly I need to just place all my 'stresses' and 'fears' for the day into God's hands, it's amazing how much more efficient I am when I let him direct my day.

Hate to say it, but my mother (or grandmother) is right: I ALWAYS feel better when I get there.


  1. Thank you so much for writing this, Ellie - it was exactly what I needed to read today! I particularly agree with the part about just getting on with things. We just need to take pride in how far we have come and have faith in how far we can go. Good luck for all your uni essays and exams, L xxx

  2. Don't you hate it when you know something is true but you can't make yourself remember it? This is one of those things - it's scarily accurate! I guess it's just a reminder to stick to your guns, to persevere and to push yourself past something meh to something amazing even if that step is scary.