This evening I got lost. I was on my way to an International Food Night that a local church was putting on and was looking forward to connecting with the community and speaking a lot of German. Alas, I took the wrong tram and ended up in the middle of nowhere, my phone started playing up and wouldn't connect to 3G so I couldn't use the map-app and then promptly decided to lock my sim-card FOR NO REASON, it was getting dark, I was over an hour late and I needed a wee.

I started to panic, I could barely order a coffee, English and German words started to merge and jumble in my head - I became literally speechless. Everything became aggressive: passersby seemed angry, the buildings looked taller, the trams fuller and the train-station emptier. In just a couple of minutes everything that I had put my security in (getting the right tram, using my iphone if I got lost, having a good night, my ability to communicate) had been stripped from me. I sat on a bench at the station, waiting for a train, feeling very small and a very alone. I guess it's in these moments that we really start to connect with who we are. Once I'd gotten over the initial fear, I still felt peaceful, I still felt secure. There's something about reading the German language on buildings and signs that makes me feel safe. Perhaps it's because I lived here as a child and there's still something nostalgic in those words, or perhaps the real reason is that God is continuing to confirm that this experience has been ordained for me. Whenever I feel like throwing in the towel, he reveals yet another blessing. Tonight he showed me the beauty at the train station. The graffiti, the buildings, the sky, everything that had previously intimidated me suddenly became beautiful and fun. It seems so silly but it meant so much.

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