Taken back to the 80s...

This evening I went to see the Garth Hill College show, "Back to the 80s". It was awesome, like actually incredible. I swear the shows get better and better every year! What was more exciting was the amount of crazily talented new faces - AH! So exciting :-D it as like watching the next generation of Garth Hill Musical Theatre, Drama freaks, wait that's what they are.

Anyway, it was good for me to see it as it put a lot of things into perspective. For one thing, it was lovely to walk into a school where teachers are so happy to see you. I had forgotten what it's like to have teachers who have faith in you, who actually believe you can go somewhere, who encourage you to go for it - I miss that. I miss feeling confident. As they were singing the finale, something in the way they were singing reminded me of something I used to feel when I was doing a show on Wick Hill Stage; that this was only the beginning, that you were really going to make a difference, that one day these people standing on the stage with you would go on to do something amazing. I can't tell you how special it was to be a part of shows at Garth, it was by far the highlight of my year and even now when I'm doing so many other shows...I tell you I would give anything to do one more show on that stage with old drama crew. Seriously, it was magic. It was one moment on that stage in "Fame" that I realised I wanted to be an actress, it was the last note of my song and I just remember thinking: I want to do this forever, this is incredible. I guess I've never looked back, but now I am and it's hard to think that I'll never be with those people in that place again. :-(

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I've kind of lost myself over the past couple of weeks. I used to be someone who always focused on the positive, who was passionate about making a difference, who lived to perform and to enjoy every minute of every day. Now, I spend all day feeling in 3 words: "shit and stupid" and I hate it. All I seem to care about is school work and grades, which is SO unlike me, I never use to care about those things so much. I spend all my time doing work, or thinking about doing work and I'm actually fed-up of it - I actually give up with school, I can't be bothered to go to Uni - too much stress and too much money. I don't meean that, I DO want to go to uni but I want to be myself as well. I love theatre, I love people and I love having a purpose. I used to have a purpose, I was head of school council and I was going to make changes and make everyone's lives better. When I HAD confidence, I was a better person. So somehow, I'm not sure HOW, I need to get it back.