Admitting Defeat...

Defeat blog
You might have gathered that the past couple of weeks have been really tough. It's been my third move of 2013 and it has started to wear down on my body and my spirit. Ever since arriving here, I've just felt constantly exhausted and unable to appreciate or participate in the beauty around me. I have noticed that negativity has seeped its way into my thoughts and my words, I have found it gradually harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning, I have been unable to really engage in social events because my brain has been so fried and my body so lethargic. Since Saturday I have been in bed with some kind of coldy/flu-like illness and slowly getting more and more frustrated with myself and my surroundings. My friends and family encouraged me to think about coming home, but there was something in me that kept saying that I didn't 'DESERVE' a break, that I hadn't been here long enough to warrant going home and putting my feet up. I'm a pusher, someone who preservers and I thought that going home would be admitting defeat. I would be letting my boss down and letting myself down, or so I thought. I woke up on Wednesday morning and something screamed BASTA. Enough. Enough of sitting in my apartment, all alone, without internet, wandering around in a feverish daze, enough of getting worked-up about essays and job applications and my lack of productivity and enough of being so down-right unappreciative of this amazing opportunity to live and work abroad. 

I need to go home, get well, get perspective and find my work ethic. In all this moving and shifting I feel like I've lost a bit of my enthusiasm and audacious hopefulness. I hate that and I want it back. So today I'm getting on a plane and I'm making myself stay in England for a week. I will see friends that build me up, sit on the sofa to read my book, go to Santa Fe to work on my essay, love my church, visit the places that inspire me most and enjoy the beauty of England on the brink of Spring.

It's not admitting defeat, but recharging, it's not weakness, but strength. At least that's what I'm telling myself. 


  1. Hope the week break does you the world of good and you come back refreshed so you can enjoy the positive aspects of Italy : )

  2. I've felt like you here in Bristol lately. I think it happens to everyone that lives on his own :) hope you get better.

  3. <3 Sounds like you're making the right choice

  4. I hope you feel better soon, taking some time out is not admitting defeat. People seem to think erasmus is one long easy holiday but it's emotionally exhausting. Take your time and get yourself feeling better!