End of an era

So today I realised that I've fallen into that unforgivable female sin of calorie counting. I always hissed, well not hissed but disapproved of the woman who turns the can of baked beans over to read the nutrition wheel, but today as I was shopping in Aldi and last week when I was buying a boots meal deal I did exactly that. I chose the meal with fewest calories, I didn't put chocolate in my Hull survival kit and bought RYE bread instead. I am disgusted with myself, and yet I can't make myself stop. And as always this change in behaviour got me thinking about other things like coffee and opera and running and topshop - things I never did last year. I never went running, I never felt guilty about missing a gym session, I couldn't afford topshop and the sound of opera made me want to scream. 300 situps...HA I could do like 20 then I'd die. Past couple of days I've done 100 without pausing and 300 in three pauses. That's insane! I bought liquid eyeliner, I wear some form of foundation, I waxed my legs (which I will never do again cos it hurt so much and I STILL had a bush of hair from my knee to my ankle grrrrrr) I fell in love with green tea and americanos I want to study languages at uni, I'm taking my entire wardrobe to Hull with me and I have, as of today, turned into a Audrey Hepburn wannabee.

This is scary. I'm offically a "typical" girl. The sort I used to laugh at as I put up my poster of Lebron James, dressed in my basketaball shorts and Nike shirt, I mean I used to buy Men's tracksuit bottoms ( I still do this actually, good to know) Oh (!) and I never used to sew or bake, now I'm making two dresses and my cranberry cookies and blueberry muffins are stupidly popular. AAAAHHHRRRRGGGG. Soon I'll be trying to lose 3 extra pounds so I can fit into my mini-skirt, I'll be wanting to have extensions and fake eyelashes....oh my dayz and I fancy Jude Law! DAMMIT. Oh and I bought red lipstick the other day.

This all makes me very sad, but also excited. It might be quite nice to be a proper girl for once, it's probably about time for me to embrace my femininity and join in the footsteps of Millicent Fawcett and the Pankhurts without the whole man-hating thing...no I shall not hate men EVER. Only certain men, only certain men. Did I mention I can now do a french manicure BUT I have yet to enjoy false nails, I doubt I'll catch on to this craze. Ewww. Oh and I shampoo my hair twice - WHO DOES THAT!? And I just wrote a packing list and will be packed a whole day 2 days before I actually have to leave.

Anyway, instead of freaking out I will try and find this new stage of womanhood empowering, I now have pills to lighten my T-O-M, I've always had a good complexion, working out will only make me feel better and if I calorie count for most of my life I can totally eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerrys when I'm hormonal or have just been dumped. The liquid eyeliner is probably a phase, but it's definately cleaner and sharper than kohl and lipstick is the lipgloss of the mature woman. Languages will allow me to communicate with everybody in existence and 100 years ago this would have been a wonderful advantage when finding a rich and suitable husband. Making dresses saves me money and who cares if I find baking relaxing: everybody benefits. Opera is beautiful and classy, plus if you go properly you get to wear a gown and opera gloves - yay! So enough, I will allow myself to grow into a fusion of Hepburn and Fawcett a elegant, graceful and well dressed feminist, who drinks tea and does lady things but is also strong, intelligent and important. Yes. Woop.


  1. That was superb.

    That's all I have to say.

    For now.

  2. You'll never be typical Ellie: your just amazing!!!
    (not that im after one of those blueberry muffins or anything ;)